In the aftermath of the election, I am having a hard time finding my way forward. Nothing makes any sense, all of the sudden. My job, never a huge focus of my life, feels absurd, pointless. Reading the news feels equally useless. Where has it gotten me to know what is happening in the world? Even the things I write about here suddenly seem to matter a little less.
The levers of this world are so enormous, so immovable. I am too small. I cannot change the hearts and minds of those who would vote for an abhorrent person, who degrades women and embraces white supremacist ideals, including those in my own family who are defending this turn of events as not a disaster.
My heart is pulling me to abandon these people to their brave new world, and to retreat into mine. To shield myself from knowing one more thing that I wish I could un-know. To turn the mute button on.
I’m weary of arguing with friends and family on Facebook, who should know better. I am tired of crying and mourning for the country I thought my children were about to spend their formative years in, one they could be proud of. One where we finally began to make some progress on the existential threats of our time.
I have donated money to the causes that are going to need them and I will continue to do so. With my small actions and with my wallet, I will support organizations and businesses that share my values. Those that don’t, I will not. This is not an easy thing to do. From toothpaste to chicken to a pair of jeans, it is hard to avoid supporting too-powerful corporations and environment-damaging supply lines that do our world harm.
I think that is all the small power I have. I will take it and I will do my best. I worry that this country is perhaps too big to be able to work properly for the greater good. When the simple goal of doing away with something as unpopular as the electoral college is so out of reach, I am not sure how any larger goals can ever be realized.
Beyond my little rebellions, I will focus on instilling my values in my children and looking forward to the day when their generation takes the reigns. I know they will make the world better.
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