June 16 2016
Living in Brooklyn

Hi! We’re the Gun Industry…

And nothing gets our sales going like a good old fashioned American-style gun massacre. It’s true that every time a major killing occurs, we make… a major killing.  Funny story, but the gorier, the better, actually.  Weapons of war really help to sew the greatest possible amount of terror, which in turn, helps to sell the greatest possible number guns to all those terrified people.

But what we really care about is the safety of Americans first.  After that it’s tooooootally the Constitution.  We, like, love the Constitution so hard. (Our Constitutional right to make money, your Constitutional right to get shot.)  We are a swell bunch of guys – there is no need to talk about the gun industry’s motive being profits and share price, not the Constitution.

I mean, it’s not like we want all that extra money we make every time a shooting takes place and our stock price shoots through the roof.  At best, it’s akin the happiness you feel when your close family member dies (in a mass shooting) and leaves you all their money.

The worldview that we legislate (since we’re your de-facto government – oh what’s that, you didn’t vote for us?), as executives who make billions of dollars off the murder of innocents, is completely in line with that of ordinary Americans.

That’s why you should totally keep letting us write your laws.

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    1. Brooklyn Bread 09:11am 17 June - 2016 - Reply

      Ugh, I know. : (

    2. Jax 08:21am 17 June - 2016 - Reply

      I’d be laughing if I wasn’t crying. Thanks for saying this.

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